Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Heart was cold, a picture was falling to pieces, a journey was ending and i stood by my self looking at that Grey shadows formed by the full moon light and the other by the lamp post. It was 10:00 PM on 28th of July. Its been 13 days since I am spending time forgiving the feeling which i could never forget, 13 days and 13 nights of struggle to let go.
I stood like i never would and thinking "IS IT TIME?". I wanted to give it one more try and wanted to be sure, i never got a clear indication. It was the TIME to LET GO.
The easterly winds were blowing and the Autumn leaves were running away from me too. I was looking above the showers of the emotions making my soul wet and eroding it away. The ice was hard. I started walking, towards home, HOME... huh!! what a word. Its no longer what it used to be.
The cars were making sound of cutting winds with the wheels and that seemed to be trying to break the iced heart, I heard the hardest words in my life, I was realizing what a fool i am.
I lost my smile tonight, i don't know for how long, I sacrificed my precious possession. I walked home, unlocked the door, fed the fish and saw how quiet they both were, my inside and outside.
Entering my doors, i didn't turn the light on, the table lamp was giving the florescent violet light which was making my room light just fine.
I removed the jacket lying on my chair and saw the chess board on my desk. The queen of whites was fallen off the check. The soldier of the black was fallen too. I realized just then that what ever breaks it does not break even.
The winds did not leave me alone intruding though the open windows, cooling my iced heart , one very brittle and shining like crystal and transparent like spring waters, my heart.
I felt no cold, no pain, I was numb, still am.
I am still alive, but barely breathing.
I took out my roaster hoping to give warmth and stop the bleeding heart to bleed. I turned on the switch and waited for the ice to break and look for any love left inside, I waited and looked carefully while i could smell the burning. I decided to wait, as i waited for months for the cure. Took me so long to make my own heart perfect for others. It was a masterpiece, a perfect gift, a perfect reflection of me.... well that is what i thought.... The roaster was going into flames now, but the ice was never melting, i could not see through the frost what was there in it. I so wanted to see what I once used to adore....
Those days were so great, I even lived the 25th hour, but i don't feel now that i am strong enough, to even lift it.
The flames were reaching the roof and i was just waiting for the smoke alarms to go on and sprinklers to shower. My face was painted with dancing fire and my eyes were giving the reflection of what was going on. But the ice never melted, I roasted it instead... the ice that was formed when she laughed when i was broken, it was frozen when I was there and she was leaving... My eyes were closed, my heart saw it all.... the chill went deep inside. My masterpiece was being being crushed by some one, My eyes were shut,
Now the roast is complete and the flames were going down as there was nothing to burn anymore... i couldn't see for once what was behind that hard rock ice, its now dark and smoking... but at least not paining any more.... It gone for ever.
I have to breath again, i am running out of breath.
I roasted the ICE.... I roasted it.... all that was in it... which i could never see.
Posted by Puruvardhan Singh Kundu