When Devine Powers Reside The Writers, The Emotions Get Roasted on the Papers

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Roasted ICE

Heart was cold, a picture was falling to pieces, a journey was ending and i stood by my self looking at that Grey shadows formed by the full moon light and the other by the lamp post. It was 10:00 PM on 28th of July. Its been 13 days since I am spending time forgiving the feeling which i could never forget, 13 days and 13 nights of struggle to let go.
I stood like i never would and thinking "IS IT TIME?". I wanted to give it one more try and wanted to be sure, i never got a clear indication. It was the TIME to LET GO.
The easterly winds were blowing and the Autumn leaves were running away from me too. I was looking above the showers of the emotions making my soul wet and eroding it away. The ice was hard. I started walking, towards home, HOME... huh!! what a word. Its no longer what it used to be.
The cars were making sound of cutting winds with the wheels and that seemed to be trying to break the iced heart, I heard the hardest words in my life, I was realizing what a fool i am.
I lost my smile tonight, i don't know for how long, I sacrificed my precious possession. I walked home, unlocked the door, fed the fish and saw how quiet they both were, my inside and outside.
Entering my doors, i didn't turn the light on, the table lamp was giving the florescent violet light which was making my room light just fine.
I removed the jacket lying on my chair and saw the chess board on my desk. The queen of whites was fallen off the check. The soldier of the black was fallen too. I realized just then that what ever breaks it does not break even.
The winds did not leave me alone intruding though the open windows, cooling my iced heart , one very brittle and shining like crystal and transparent like spring waters, my heart.
I felt no cold, no pain, I was numb, still am.
I am still alive, but barely breathing.
I took out my roaster hoping to give warmth and stop the bleeding heart to bleed. I turned on the switch and waited for the ice to break and look for any love left inside, I waited and looked carefully while i could smell the burning. I decided to wait, as i waited for months for the cure. Took me so long to make my own heart perfect for others. It was a masterpiece, a perfect gift, a perfect reflection of me.... well that is what i thought.... The roaster was going into flames now, but the ice was never melting, i could not see through the frost what was there in it. I so wanted to see what I once used to adore....
Those days were so great, I even lived the 25th hour, but i don't feel now that i am strong enough, to even lift it.
The flames were reaching the roof and i was just waiting for the smoke alarms to go on and sprinklers to shower. My face was painted with dancing fire and my eyes were giving the reflection of what was going on. But the ice never melted, I roasted it instead... the ice that was formed when she laughed when i was broken, it was frozen when I was there and she was leaving... My eyes were closed, my heart saw it all.... the chill went deep inside. My masterpiece was being being crushed by some one, My eyes were shut,
Now the roast is complete and the flames were going down as there was nothing to burn anymore... i couldn't see for once what was behind that hard rock ice, its now dark and smoking... but at least not paining any more.... It gone for ever.

I have to breath again, i am running out of breath.

I roasted the ICE.... I roasted it.... all that was in it... which i could never see.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

My Roast.

Hi there,
I have been through a lot of emotional ordeals in past one year out of which my initial eight weeks of stay in Australia and the current week are on the chef's special menus when it comes to talking about emotional flavors. Having said that it becomes obvious to talk about the ingredients of the recipe of this first roast.
Talking about the current week, as the flavor is still very strong on my cognitive taste buds, I have been through a lot of shuffling emotions and the journey is not yet complete. I think that emotions are not something which you can have control on, I mean this is just my opinion, or you can say that i tried controlling them but it did not worked out for me. Emotions to me are like the pieces of puzzles of life because you can't get all right the first time. I read a lot and in starting my emotions were guided by the facts which i read. I used to read Psychological research papers, read a few books which made me look into the abyss of my mind and realize that what i was doing was right without even thinking about how I would implement those learning when it comes to need.

In my Life of 25 years, I might have seen a lot of emotions out of which I remember only a few, We remember what we have in our active brains, but when we are children a lot of the emotions go into the sub-conscious brain which then forms a PERSONALITY. This learning and this subconscious matter is gained from the time we are fertilized in the womb of out mothers. Why am I talking about it? The reason is simple, I like you to look into what you've become and what you really are?

I have been always thinking about what I wished and what I could have become while looking at things around me, people around me doing things to themselves, Buying a Ferrari, Getting married to a Loving wife, Solving every problem in mind and keeping a clear soul even after doing what one is not capable of. But in this I never thought that what I am is what I am and no one else, and if I try so hard of not being me,they can Never reflect what I am even when I make them my Mirror.
"People" .. what a wonderful thing God thought He made, but He also decided to eradicate all nature and rebuilt it again. The ARC and the pairs of all pure animals and birds of their kinds, the man and the three sons, and the LORD. Theses are the ingredients for the ROAST of HUMAN EMOTIONS. But what we get now out of a second generation of Human Race after the Great floods hit the Earth, for 40 days and Night it rained to wash away the ugly Humans and the mistake that we made. God made a promise He'll never do such a thing again, but instead left us burning in our own pain if we decided to do what we wish. Thinking about what I might get out of the untruthful world full of painless people with stone hearts and no signs of their own inside them, it seems every one is a mirror for another, just like I said before, it can never reflect what one is by being someone else.
We all become some one else all the times, we listen to mates, and start forming our likes and dislikes, we see the places on the beautiful face of Earth, and we form a picture of our life at the same time thinking may be someday I'll be here again. These are all emotions and nothing but emotions.
The whole life one lives is full of emotions, full of experiences which gives some one an emotion. Emotions are like antidote for feelings. They come into actions when a feeling is generated in the spine and goes all the way to every muscle and blood vessel in our body, the feeling triggers the emotions which then gains control over the brain and then the brain gains controls of the senses.
Emotions is a sea in which we are the fish, can't live out of it. They are like breaths we take, with every one we breath life and then move to next in order to live. Yes, I cannot live without emotions, none can you I suppose. Why would I want to sail in some one's sea of emotions when I have my own, in which I rule the pebbles and the sand. Why would I need some one's emotions to show me what I am, to make me what they are? when I can just swim in my own ocean and become what I was Born with.
I do not know what I was born with, but I feel, what only I can feel and the emotions which I have, only I can see. Why look for someone to understand it when they can never come into my ocean because they were never the part of it at the first place.

I do not know a lot of things, the reasons like how my radio alarm reset itself this morning at 3:00am and how is my life being a link in the whole web of human kind. I'll never get the answers to a few questions because may be I do not want to know, may be my emotions are not letting me know it. I could over power my emotions and call up to check if somebody did go through my stuff, but that is so not me. I am what I
was born with and I think I am realizing it now.

DID you realize what you learned? if not then your emotions do not want you to... do not over-ride then and do not read my post again if you do not get it at once. You are born with your own sea, explore it, fly in it, sail on it, unleash it, because for you I ROASTED MY EMOTIONS TODAY.

Bright Days and Sunshine.